Chelsea Handler says she’s been on an “emotional rollercoaster ride” since ending her relationship with fellow comedian Jo Koy after less than a year.
Handler has been open about when and why things didn’t work out between the two and how that led to their split, which she says happened about a month ago.
“I was so in love, it just blew me away,” Handler said during an appearance on Thursday’s We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle podcast, sounding on the verge of tears.
The former late-night host made it sound like she was the one who ended things with Koy after struggling for “a while”.
“We’ve been working on this behind the scenes for a while,” Handler said, adding that the two previously tried to work things out in therapy.
“I think when you have the basis and the guts to say something isn’t working, you’re telling the whole world a lot more than that,” she said, still clearly emotional. “And you invite things that are workable and better suited to your needs and what you’re available for.”
Doyle asked Handler when it was time to “stop digging” in a relationship, and she gave a very honest answer.
“I think when it becomes unsustainable. And it’s going to be unhealthy,” Handler said. “When you argue, you know it’s evolving. If you can’t have conversations that are calm and loving and constant, and you don’t feel like a team — don’t feel like a team — then it becomes untenable.”
“I didn’t want to give myself up,” the comedian added. “And if I have to choose one person, I have to choose myself.”
“It’s nice to bend for people, it’s nice to learn how to compromise. It’s nice to learn how to show your love in public. I could never do anything about it anyone, but I think Jo needed that,” Handler explained. “I was so inspired by us … but Jo didn’t break me up. My psychiatrist opened me up and then I was open.”
“And then I was able to bend down for someone and move and compromise and make them a big part of my life, but you can’t change someone from scratch,” she said. “And I was willing to bend so much, but there’s a line. And I’m very proud of myself for not being able to cross that line.”
Handler said she was “okay” and “now looking to the future with optimism.”
“I still believe that my person is coming. Whether that’s Jo Koy at any given point or not, I accept that,” Handler said.
Handler and Koy publicly announced that they were ending their relationship on Tuesday, and also posted a video they made in anticipation of their upcoming one-year anniversary.
“It is with a heavy heart that we have to announce that we have decided together that it is best for us to take a break from our relationship now,” Handler said at the time, calling her ex “one of the greatest gifts of my life.” ”
In his own breakup post, Koy said he was Handler’s “biggest fan” and vowed that the two “will always be good friends and will always have love for one another.”